Welcome

If you are reading this, I dont know how you found this place. This is just a place for me to vent my awful life stories. I have no idea if I will keep up with this or not but I am drunk and its late.
Over the past year or 2 I have found myself venting life stories in youtube comments which is not the right forum for these kinds of stories. It will come across as schizo-posting but I have never been diagnosed with schizophrenia but that doesn't mean I dont have it. I dont think I do though. Also I know putting this all out on the internet is probably a bad idea but I am too poor to afford therapy so venting to the void of the internet will have to do. These stories will mostly have to do with friends dying. I literally have a list in my phone of friends who are now gone. It has gotten to the point where I had to make a list to remember how they died. The list is like 24 names or something crazy. I think I am cursed or something to forever meet people who will die before me. 

Anyways the first thing I need to release into the world is a few stories and an opener. Sorry if the font is different or anything. It was originally something I typed up as a youtube comment and then decided to finally do something like this and I have no idea what my drunk ass is doing or how to use this site.

Randy R. He was tortured and murdered along with another guy who had nothing to do with Randys dealing aside from being at the wrong place at the wrong time. The first story I heard was after another friend of ours (Anthony "fern" Stewart) died from jumping out a 8 story window on acid Randy started losing his mind and started selling cocaine and he eventually owed this guy $8k so he and his friends found where Randy was and killed him. The other story I heard was the night anthony died a lot of things happened that we dont know about. But basically that anthony was pushed out the window after he had been beat to death or something. And Mario who was supposedly Anthony's cousin killed Randy as revenge. But I have never dug too deep to really find the truth. I grew up skating with fern and randy. Randy used to live in my best friends garage apartment so I spent many nights in my teens smoking in his apartment but we drifted apart after he moved and then the bad stuff all happened a couple of years later. I have lost literally dozens of friends to horrible accidents and what not. I'm 33 and have lost so many friends I dont really even have a response to them dying anymore. I think I am like cursed or something. I dont get it. I have had 2 friends die from falling out of multi story windows. The other one some people might recognize. Josh Hilberling he was pushed out the window by his wife and fell 20+ stories. He was another person I grew up with. We lived a few blocks apart. Then one of my best friends growing up who lived directly behind me was in a murder suicide possibly double homicide depending on who you ask. Then I lost multiple friends to drug overdoses. One was killed by the police while dealing with PTSD after going to afghanistan. One person was shot for trying to buy some weed. Another was shot for arguing with someone. Another friends sister was killed by her crazy boyfriend who them left horrible messages like "you'll never find her body" he them killed himself. Had friends die of drug overdoses, one shot by his own brother, some random diseases, carbon monoxide poisoning, Lost a couple to motorcycle accidents, cancer, etc... but the one that has messed with me the most over the years wasn't even that close of a friend. I couldn't even tell you his full name now its been so long. His name was Alex and he got hooked on opiates in his teens. When he turned 22 he decided he wanted to go to rehab and get clean because he saw that everyone was going to heroin as this was now 2012 and prescription opioids were getting hard to find. So Alex goes to rehab for 6 months and gets out clean. He leaves the facility and is driving back to Tulsa when a drunk driver crosses the median killing Alex and another passenger or 2. Alex who spent all these months in rehab to save his life from dying of a drug overdose is killed just like that. Just gone. What the hell is the point? Why even try to do anything to better yourself. This has stuck with me for years.